Sir Eigen's Values

Ungrateful Jerks

2005-11-03T10:04:00.000-05:00

First of all, we all know that I am amazing and have done countless deeds for the Alliance. If not for me there would be millions of dragons, yetis, and stupid murlocks running amuck in our beautiful lands. You'd think that would count for something.. at the library.

I am pretty sure that the librarians are actually Horde. So my librams were a little late, so what. I was out Dooming arses all week so those little sissies could have a little library, and they wanted to charge me 2 Gold in late fees.

Well just so you all know there won't be any more late fees. Librarians have absolutely no shadow resist. Just don't look behind the bookshelves in the back of the room.

A Selfless Act

2005-10-18T10:32:00.000-05:00

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I decided that I needed to take a break from all the killing and destruction and wanted to give something back to the community. I volunteered at the Alliance Fire Department.

BORING! Nothing ever catches on fire. Have you ever noticed that? I even had Kal'los sneak out and shoot some fire bolts at the stupid houses just to get things going.

I was hoping to at least get some good +fire resist gear for doing this, but that doesn't look like its going to happen either.

There Goes the Neighborhood

2005-10-07T12:52:00.000-05:00

OK, so I hate the horde, and I hate Rogues, but even worse then that, I hate the CARNIES! I was out for a nice ride this morning and what do I find, but a bunch of freaken shiftless caries mucken up beautiful Elwynn Forest. I like to ride through the trees to clear my head and take in the fresh air. After all that time in the stink hole of Black Rock Mountain, I look forward to getting back to my roots.

Now it smells like undead ass all over the place. Seriously, its bad enough we allow Rogues in the Alliance to begin with, but now we let those lazy smelly carnie bastards all over our land.

I am going to bring this up with out stupid pre-pubesant king.

Double the Awesome

2005-09-28T12:00:00.000-05:00

This morning there was a freak transporter accident. It seems that those idiot gnomes got something wrong and the transporter spawned an evil me somewhere in the world. Just the thought of having 2 of me brings a tear to my eye. Imagine.. DOUBLE DOOMING, double the horde killing, its just double the Awesome!

She Devil

2005-09-27T09:49:00.000-05:00

Sorry I haven't updated you all in a while. Problems at home. Sure, I single handedly DOOMed the Beast and solved the Troll mysteries in the jungles of Straglethorn, but when it comes to women I am just a lvl 1 n00b.

As you might have guessed Kat threw me out this weekend. It seems that whilst I was boozing it up at the inn, she was cookin me up some dinner to celebrate our one-year anniversary. I stumbled in the house, drunk, full, and totally unaware of what was going on. I'm not 100% certain which of those was the greater crime.

She began tearing into me, so I stood up and pretended to be mind controlled and ran out side. She decided that I should stay out there and locked me out. I pleaded with her to forgive me, but reasoning with she-devil bitches is next to impossible.
She mumbled some demon curse at me and stormed inside.

No big deal. Once she was inside and she thought she won, I dismissed her arse and went inside. HA!

A Trip to the Museum

2005-09-14T22:28:00.000-05:00

To be Uber on the outside an awesome warlock needs to be Uber on the inside. I daily hone my DMG skills by killing the countless beasts of the lands and sending Horde to their deaths. This afternoon I worked on my insides.

I took a trip to the Hall of Explorers and toured the Iron Forge Museum. Giant Rams..HOW INTERESTING. I as read about ancient rats and giagantic..giants, I could feel my intellect grow by the minute.

I swear, I must be the smartest Warlock in the world!

The DOOM List

2005-09-14T14:06:00.000-05:00

I was lying in bed last night trying to fall asleep after killin horde over in Arithi Basin. WTH do the horde want our horse ranch so bad. There are like 2 million horde and 5 horses on our ranch. Greedy bastards.

Anyways, thinking of those cheap ass shammys and smelly trolls got my ulcer churning. I JUST WISH I HAD DOOMED THIER ARSES!
That's when I realized I needed a DOOM list. I will keep it up-to-date as much as I can. So far I have only added those I wish to DOOM.

So watch out suckas, you don't want to end up on my list!

The DOOM List

MattTheGnome Who is the guy? He's a whmpy lvl 1 and he keeps gettin all my fame. I hate him.

Dad You know his story.

NEVixen Senior prom date who left me at the dance and went home with a tauren. Bitches.

Steve Me ol' college roomate. Used to eat all my food, never went to class, and still owes me 800g in ale money.

Feast For Me!

2005-09-13T22:13:00.000-05:00

To my surprise.. I was greeted with a heroe's feast outside Iron Forge this evening. I should have suspected something was up because Bug Blue was acting funny and kept wanting to show me something outside. Usually he just wants to go out there cause he's a pansy and he likes to chase butterflies. So as you can imagine, I was expecting to see some freaking sissy flower or some whimpy level one beasty he had a crush on.

BOY WAS I EMBARRASED! All the Alliance fancy pants were there, and there were even a bunch of ghosts of mobs I had totally Doomed there, just to respect.

The feast ended with the whole city yelling "Sir Eigen FTW!" over and over again.. they are so ghey.

Filthy Finkle

2005-09-13T14:19:00.000-05:00

I have thought Finkle was kinda creepy for sometime now. He's been caught stuck in the Beast's ass more too often then he should admit. Last night we caught him in there with a little friend.

I was like.. "Hey FInkle! What the hell were you doing up the Beast's butt..AGAIN?!!" And before he could answer some little buddy of his, and a little grey wolf popped out and the two of them just looked at eachother and giggled.

Gross.

Poor Me :(

2005-09-12T10:48:00.000-05:00

Friday night I hooked up with some of me maties to kill that bitch Onyxia. As usual some people were late to the party. I won't mention names..but you know who you are. To kill time I dueled a bit out in stinky ass Whyrmbog. I don't know if I got that putrid mud in my ear or Onyxia deep breathed some evil dragon couties in there, but Saturday morning I woke up feeling like shit.

I spent the rest of the weekend in the Theramore hospital. I felt like someone Doomed my eardrum. And as if the pain wasn't bad enough, I had to endure n00bs coming in and trying to triage me every five minutes. SO ANNOYING.

It Was A-Hole Day at the Bank

2005-09-09T14:46:00.000-05:00

You would have thoight they were giving out free toasters with every purchase of an additional bag slot. The bank was jammed packed with every knucklehead in Iron Forge. The whole time I waited there I was praying that there was some filthy undead rogue stealthed in the corner just waiting to cheapshot and kill me.

I all I needed was 2 freakin minutes to drop off some epic loot that I pulled off of one of my many countless kills from yesterday. I was literally 2 seconds away from Dooming the Arse in front of me when he was finished and the teller said "Hello again Sir Eigen. Its nice to see you again, what can we help you with today?"

Its amazing how far having the teller say your name goes. That totally made my day. Instead of brutally cursing everyone to their deaths, I went home and threw a ball around with Kal'los :)

A Monument to Me

2005-09-08T10:06:00.000-05:00

The Alter of Lame got me thinking. Those ogre locks were super whimpy and they had their own statues. I am awesome, and so I should have my own statue.

I made an appointment with Grand Mason Marblesten in IF. He's your typical a-hole dwarf, but his work meets the standards required to represent my awesomeness. He stood on a stepstool and took all of my measurements. The statue is gonna cost me abou 100g but I think my mom would love to put it on display next to her fire pit. I just have to think of something to have etched in to the base. So far I'm leaning towards "I'm Gonna Doom Your Arse!"

Let me know if you think of anything better.

Dinner Alone

2005-09-05T22:50:00.000-05:00

After a long day of protecting the Aliance from those Horde bastards it would be nice to come home to a nice dinner. Sadly, such an awesome Warlock such as myself doesn't have time for a family. I can't be worring about some little level 1 Eigen Jr. whilst I'm Dooming some dragon's arse back to hell.

However, I do expect that it would be possible to get a freaking decent meal at some point at the Stonefire Tavern. I am there EVERY DAY! You'd think I'd get better service. Today I sat there for 15 minutes before one of those fat arse dwarves came over to take my order. I was about to say.. "I'd like a nice bloody mutton steak and a pint of ale please", but instead of taking my order the midget waddled over and asked me for 200 Thorium Shells. Needless to say, I ended up drowning myself in Noggenfloger Elixer and eating a stale mana biscuit when I got home.

Maybe tomorrow I will just throw on a soul stone and kill myself.

Alter of Storms = Alter of Lame

2005-09-04T15:09:00.000-05:00

After dealing out an unbelievable amount of damage inside Black Rock Mountain, I cruzed over to the Alter of Storms. WTF is going on there? I ran across the bridge and was like, "YO HOMIES.. WASSUP!" I figured I'd have something in common with the 5 shadow locks that are always hanging out there. I know they are Horde and all, and yes I do hate Horde, and next to killing rogues there is nothing better than killing Horde, but I figured that these guys must really be into being warlocks. Its hard getting along with other 'locks because they feel inferior to me.

Alas, these guys didn't want to hang out. I even tried mumblin some stupid chants with them. Next thing I knew I got whacked with a fireball.

Very unlucky for them, I AM ALL POWERFUL and quickly killed them all and then pee'd on their corpses. What jerks. Plus I thought it was really lame to hit me with a fireball.

Friday Night Fights!

2005-09-04T13:41:00.000-05:00

Its been 50 levels since me and the big blue Hukdron have gone at it. He usually keeps to himself but I've noticed a bit of a 'tude coming from viody lately. I think he's seen infernals try to beat me up too often and has started gettin ideas of his own. I surprised him with a trip to the battle pit in Stormwind to show him whats up.

I TOTALLY KICKED IS ARSE. First he tried to taunt me, which was really stupid because who else was I trying to kill? Then he just hit me with some little girly slaps. You should have seen how mad he was when I super nuked him and then dark pact'd all his mana.

Anyway.. I think he will be on better behavior from now on.

A Day with the King

2005-09-02T13:06:00.000-05:00

In the lands of Azeroth it is no secret that I am awesome. I have killed millions upon millions of creepy crawlies, undead, squirels and those bible thumpin Scarlet a-holes. Word of my deeds has made it all the way to Dwarf King Bronzebeard himself and today I was invited for lunch and to hang with the man himself.

Now he being a dwarf and all, I was looking forward to some dancing, eating, and LOTS of drinking... all I can say is BORING! If it wouldn't hurt my status with the faction I totally would have doomed his arse. Either he just stood there and looked blankly into the Great Forge or just mumbled "Keep yer feet on the ground" with a super gay lisp. He did let me sit on his thrown, although it wasn't very comfortable and it smelled like dried up murlock feet.

A Night of Disasters!

2005-09-01T22:21:00.000-05:00

OMG! First I flew over to visit some of me 'ol maties in the Eastern Plague Lands... WHAT A FRICKIN DUMP. Seriously, that whole area has gone to shit. There are rats and smelly zombies everywhere you look. I cruised by Scholomance castle to see if that chincy bastard Darkmaster Gandling would hook a 'lock up with a Dreadmist mask. He had nothin to offer except some crappy rogue shit. You all know how I feel about rogues.. SO I DOOMED HIS ARSE.

Already aggravated, I went home and found my basement flooded. BALLS! It couldn't get any worse than that. All my tomes and librams were down there. Freakin worthless Kal'los watched the whole thing happen and didn't even call me. ARG! O well, I'll just throw on Unending Breath, sleep on the floor, and take care of it in the morning.

I Hate Shards

2005-09-01T13:14:00.000-05:00

Well.... yesterday my fricken scribe died so now I am forced to chronicaling my adventures myself. I'd have Kal'los do it but he's an idiot and he can't read.

There are many things I love, such as killing horde and fishing, but when it comes to hating things.. mostly I hate Rogues, and most of ALL I hate shards. Probally the only reason I keep that dumbarse Kal'los around at all is because he doesn't cost a shard to hang out with.